Learning the Language of Love

Recent research has indicated
that the average individual listens for only 17 seconds
before interrupting and interjecting his own ideas.

-Gary Chapman

You want to turn the tide of a conversation which is stirring up a tsunami of trouble.

Disaster is not a reality you want to support… not something you want to experience as your experience of love.

You feel overwhelmed, drowning in anger and frustration; desperate for a way out and into a better conversation.

• Gratitude
• Kindness
• Curiosity
  

Now you might be thinking, “Really, I’m the offended one─ and I’m supposed to be magnanimous! Tell me why?"

Let's look below the surface at these 3 aspects of the language of love:

1) GRATITUDE- Why should you look at this person you’re in conflict with, and WORDLESSLY, in your mind, find something to be grateful for?

• Because this immediately elevates your levels of oxytocin and dopamine.

These neurochemicals raise your expectation of happiness and joy, increase your feeling of confidence and positive anticipation.

Remember─ you get what you feel is true for you... you recieve outcomes that match what you expect.

Positive expectation raises your personal vibration, and makes you a vibrational match for a higher level of experience!

Everything in life is vibration.

-Albert Einstein

• You gave this offering to yourself by silently offering gratitude to another. 

• Gratitude changes your dominant thinking─ shifts your perception of people and situations, elevates your outcomes and results.

And did you know, that gratitude─

➤ Shields you from negativity

➤ Makes you 25% happier 

➤ Rewires your brain

➤ Reduces stress 

➤ Strengthens physical and mental health

➤ Improves sleep, mood and immunity

➤ Decreases depression, anxiety, chronic pain, disease

➤ Boosts self-esteem and performance

➤ Enhances what you attract, what you’re attracted to

➤ Uplifts relationships

2) KINDNESS─ Why should you give up angry words for patience, for unwarranted emotional generosity? 

• Because as you gently let go of the ego─ you move from the personal to the impersonal love that underlies and supports all creation... bringing forth insight and understanding.
  
  
• Unwarranted kindness is felt. It allows the possibility of love to return to your relationship.

I’ve witnessed a simple smile
melt the hardest heart!

-Goldie Hawn

3) CURIOSITY- Why should you sincerely seek first to understand, then to be understood? 

Carla's Story─

Carla was ready to throw in the towel and leave. They had been going round and round with similar fights for months, when she decided to give my suggestion a try...

• Carla desperately wanted out of this downward spiral! She decided to suspend judgment (for a bit!)... to suspend her deep aggravation and seek to understand instead of blame!
  
  
• Carla felt the fear and did it anyway! She asked questions (instead of making demands and giving ultimatums)... Acceptance of his humanness allowed sincere active listening, which lowered resistance in her partner─ Suddenly the bitterness subsided. As he felt understood, his need to defend and throw spears disappeared.
  
  
• As he realized she wasn't the enemy, he could see (on his own) that his nastiness was inappropriate. He miraculously corrected his own bad behavior! Without her judgment he could relax, and be open to understand her viewpoint.
  
  
• Now they could begin an authentic (untriggered) conversation─ to resolve the real issues… which ultimately drew them closer─ instead of blowing their connection apart!

There are some people who could hear you speak
1,000 words, and still not understand you…

And there are others who will understand you 
without you even speaking a word.

-Unknown

TAKE THE LEAD, be the powerful person who understands, the person who chooses 1- Gratitude, 2- Kindness, 3- Curiosity... WATCH your love life transform!

• These actions are the first three steps─ leading the way to the expression of your true power. 

Remember: Conflict is inevitable.
Suffering is a choice.

• Goodwill tears down walls (even walls built up over many years)... and allows you to stop the emotional pain and re-connect quickly with your partner.
  
  
• The key is a sincere desire for emotional connection which overrides the desire to be right at all costs. This intention disolves distress and leads to understanding... which leads to trust... which leads you back to love!

This Miraculous Shift can happen in an instant─
just as rain instantly evaporates on a hot stone.